The Secret Code of the Uchiha
by VolumeofForgottenLore
Summary: Sasuke now holds the key to being a successful Uchiha. With a tough problem, Sasuke consults the Secret Code of the Uchiha and it is up to him to decide how to use it.


Disclaimer: Not

Disclaimer: Not. Mine. Why won't you people leave me aloooooone!!

A/N: This idea popped into my mind at ohhh. 10:14 at night on a Tuesday, with me high on tea, medicine, pills, and a trusty box of Kleenex at my side. Unfortunately I ran out of Kleenex and had to use paper towel. My nose was raw and I felt…humiliated…in front of my computer. And then I thought…SasuNaru. But then I thought…what would Sasuke do? And I came up with this.

The Secret Code of the Uchiha's

Sasuke grimaced as he wiped the dust off of the age old book. He looked around for something to wipe his hand clean and settled for a Kleenex that was found under his pillow from a previous cold. He then peered around the room to make sure he was secure. Sasuke was sitting in his room, windows barred, blinds drawn, and only one desk lamp on. He was sitting on his bed, holding a book that has seen better times, but it's appearance wasn't what mattered. What mattered was what was in the book. He smirked and opened up the book to the first page.

"The Secret Code of the Uchiha's." Sasuke murmured.

That's right folks. Many have speculated on the existence of such a book. Many (meaning Naruto) have claimed that the Uchiha's were bred to a strict code, like robots, and wondered if they came with an instruction manual. Well, this was it. The secret to the behavior behind the Uchiha's. The Do's and Do Not's of the defeated clan. Only those of the Uchiha clan were able to see the book's contents, since a powerful justsu, only broken by the Sharingan, was cast on it. And now, in his time of need, Sasuke consulted the book for the first time in ages. Sasuke was in a bit of a situation, and needed the guidance of this ancient book to help him through. His quick eyes skimmed the first page. It was a table of contents. No surprise there. There was probably an Index in the back which had citations from the Uchiha Book of World Records. Here are the contents of the table of contents.

Introduction to the Uchiha

The Importance of the Uchiha

The Might of the Uchiha (A/N: I'm sensing a pattern here)

The Basics of Being an Uchiha

How an Uchiha should behave when confronted with a bad hair day

How an Uchiha should behave when confronted by fangirls

How an Uchiha should behave when being stalked by a fangirl

How an Uchiha should behave when asked out to dinner

How an Uchiha should behave when in an embarrassing situation

How an Uchiha should react to someone laughing at said Uchiha

How an Uchiha should react to a challenge

How an Uchiha should act when they are victorious

Sasuke's eyes landed on the very last chapter in the book. The shortest chapter in the book. "13. How an Uchiha should behave when he is not behaving like an Uchiha". Sasuke swallowed hard when he read this. By looking into this chapter, it would be like admitting that he was not living up to the Uchiha standards. By even taking out this book states how desperate he was for advice. But he ignored that because previous Uchiha's made it for Uchiha's to look at. So obviously it was okay to read it. Sasuke took a huge deep breath in but coughed immediately afterwards. He had inhaled a lot of dust from the book. Of course, he coughed in an Uchiha-ly and dignified manner. He had read chapter 4. The Basics of Being an Uchiha which stated to hold the throat closed for a minniscule second, calmly place right hand over mouth _discreetly_, and cough either in short silent coughs, or one authoritative cough. Uchiha's need to show that phlegm whose boss. But that was not the issue. With a lesser breath, Sasuke turned the yellow pages of the worn book to the last chapter. In elegant print at the top of the page read "How an Uchiha should behave when he is not behaving like an Uchiha." He then read the passage.

There are few reasons in which the circumstances would force an Uchiha to act out of character. Now these instances are far and few between, but in the Uchiha fashion, one must be prepared. There are only two situations in which an Uchiha would react in an undignified manner, and both examples will be explained, as well as the most efficient solution to the problem. The first would be when an Uchiha is confronted by an insolence. Insolence meaning a problem, most likely to be a person, that has gradually ingrained itself into an Uchiha's daily life, disrupting his foundation. A classic example would be the so called "rival" of an Uchiha. As an Uchiha, one must accept the fact that others will be envious of his nature, and those with enough courage will try to defeat you. But you mustn't let that deter you from your Uchiha path! Ignore the nuisance. Completely eradicate that being from your mind, from your very mindset. And if that said insolence bothers you anymore, please read chapter 4. The Basics of Being an Uchiha, and learn to fully utilize your glare and your austere appearance. If this does not work, assassination would be justifiable.

The other, even rarer, situation in which an Uchiha would behave out of character is when an Uchiha is faced with…soft emotions. These emotions usually occur when an Uchiha is faced with infatuation. Now there are two solutions to this problem. One is to, like the other example, completely erase all thought of this infatuation. Ignore the person (review chapter 4) and continue towards your Uchiha goal. However, if this infatuation proves to be stronger than you expected, and are inexplicably drawn to person whom you covet, then you have but one option. Complete Dominance. You have to now reign in on these emotions and prove yourself above them. When you are finished acting like a love sick Hyuuga, you must catch the attention of the person you wish to dominate. Then you shall show them that you are an Uchiha (review chapter 3: The Might of the Uchiha). Have that person completely submit to you. Then when the timing is right, claim that person as yours, for Uchiha's are naturally possessive of our property. Show the world that the person now belongs to an Uchiha and horde them away for yourself. But beware. Sometimes infatuation is often confused with lust which is misunderstood to be love. Be very cautious about your choice, since no one is able to resist an Uchiha's charm. However, when your heart reacts to this person in a way like no other, then follow your instincts, for an Uchiha's heart is made to be unresponsive in most cases of infatuation. Heed these words, and you will be a true Uchiha.

Sasuke closed the book with a soft thud. The words of the book echoed in his mind. 'Well.' That was the only thing that he could think of at the moment. He then thought of exactly what his problem was. The book only explained that there could only be two instances where he would not behave like an Uchiha if he followed all of the rules, which he was certain he did. So that meant his problem was either a rival, or an infatuation. Sasuke shuddered at the latter and scoffed at the former. There was no way his blo- his problem was either one. He had always ignored his problem, but that didn't seem to work. And he refused to believe that giving into his 'instincts' whatever the hell that meant, would work either. So, he must need to just polish some of his Uchiha-ness.

"Well now that that is solved." Sasuke got off his bed and returned the book to it's former spot. Under the floorboard of the library in the Uchiha mansion, that was surrounded by a series of complicated jutsu's. He then glanced at the clock. It was now 11 in the morning. Perhaps he should go to the bridge and see if his sensei and teammates had arrived. Kakashi as always said to be there 3 hours before he would arrive. Sasuke smirked and prepared to leave when he heard a knocking at the door.

"Come on TEME! Kakashi-sensei was seen by Kiba going to the bridge, and the pervert would just have a field day knowing that we were later than he was."

Sasuke cringed. His problem was now bigger than ever. His heart sped up, and his mouth dried. He felt his palms sweat and his knees quiver. He was doing it again. He needed to gain his composure now and act like the Uchiha he was raised to be. Then his problem started to whine.

"Sasuuuukeee. Cooome oooooon. Iiiii really don't wanna be laaaate! Pleaaaaaase!"

His problem sure knew how to be dramatic. But he steeled himself and his resolve. It was time to be an Uchiha.

Naruto never knew what hit him when Sasuke whipped the door open and placed his lips firmly on his. Nor did he care for that matter either.

A/N: NEED A BETA!! Just had to get that out before you clicked off without reading my lovely little message. View my profile for details. Also review. And I was wondering if I should continue this here. Not as a chapter fic. But short little one-shots on the Secret Code of the Uchiha and how Sasuke dealt with each problem. If you think it would be good, or want to help sai "AI" and email me at . REVIEW!!


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